Yours Truly
by WickedSong
Summary: Writing a letter to Mercedes isn't as easy as Sam had first hoped. Takes place early s3 pre-Hold On To Sixteen.


**Yours Truly,**

**Written by WickedSong.**

**Disclaimer : Glee does not belong to me, it belongs to FOX. The song 'Yours Truly' also belongs to Paradise Fears and listen to it while reading the story, I think it really sets the mood, especially for the end.**

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The hotel room in Kentucky was as much of a home as the motel room back in Lima had been - no, it was worse. Which wasn't actually true, at least not physically. There wasn't just one room where the entire family crammed in, there was a kitchen, two small bedrooms and a bathroom, along with a proper hallway. It wasn't home, maybe that was the problem. The thought was laughable; that that motel room had somehow found itself to be some sort of home.

Sam clutched the pen harder in his hand, staring at the blank sheet of paper in front of him. Finding the right words had never come easily to him and now it was more important than ever that he could write them down. He had already written her name, that was a start. He looked to his phone which sat on the table beside the paper. Sending off a quick text would be easier but they had promised that beyond letting her know they had arrived in Kentucky alright they would have no other contact - something about making it easier to move on. He wondered when that impossibility would begin.

So he had thought to send a handwritten letter. Sure, no one did that anymore and the chances of it reaching her weren't that high but it was maybe the only thing that would let him clear his head. There was so much he couldn't put down in a text message.

He started with the usual formalities. _Hello, how are you? How's school? Glee club? Shane? _At first he was tempted to score the name out but it felt better to leave it in. He wanted her to know he was trying to move on at least - he hadn't even seen her since July, it should have been easy enough, right? And then she had changed her facebook status at the end of August and every part of hard work he had put into forgetting her had flown out the door. He should have known it would be more difficult than telling himself to go out and kiss a bunch of girls until her face was erased from his memory.

Someone like Mercedes Jones didn't walk into your life every day and if you were stupid enough to lose her then you'd be damned if your memory would let go of her easily.

_Dear tomorrow, you've been shining so brightly, I'll be holding on tightly to the word's that you said, because you took that one moment, so much more than alone then, we were out on our own then until you took me in._

He put in some generic stuff again. _I hope the weather's nice in Lima. And that your family's doing well. I miss them. _He hesitated. Should he? Shouldn't he? Weigh on her shoulders the thought he couldn't shake. _I miss you as well. _There, it was on the paper now. He wouldn't take it back. He refused to. And with putting in that confession he seemed to open the letter up to more. _I know a letter is stupid but it's the only way I can tell you how I feel. _Which is? _God, I miss you so much. _That was one that he scribbled out, not needing to repeat himself multiple times.

The deeper he thought about the words to write the more his insecurities gnawed at his brain. Should he? Shouldn't he? Tell her what he really thought about her 'moving on.' His pen hovered for a moment. _You told me you loved me. Was that really so easy to let go of? _It'd be so easy. So, so easy to let her know how he really felt. But he stopped himself. Those words never made it to paper. _I hope you and Shane are happy. You deserve to be happy. In case you didn't know I'm sorry, I'm sorry for leaving, I remember your words everyday. _That did make it. Those words. That quick I love you. Eight letters. Three syllables. Three words. A life changing connotation.

_Then you sat down next to me with your heart on your sleeve, if I never would've met you then I never would believe that someone like you would be writing to someone like me._

_So The Troubletones. Glad to see you gave Schue a piece of your mind. I know I never saw your audition for West Side Story but I just know you killed it. _He heard about that through the grapevine, so to speak. Stacey still had a weekly phone call with Quinn, who had become a close confiadent for 'girl' things that Sam couldn't know about. Sam soon took the phone after Stacey, desperate for some way to cling on to his old life and while Quinn had become increasingly distant and different over the summer she still kept him informed at the goings on of their old friends, Mercedes included.

It was how the news of Shane had been confirmed because his mind hadn't processed it up until that point and how he kept somewhat updated on Mercedes and her life. Her triumphs with The Troubletones, which were sure to be numerous, was something he was looking forward to hearing about. _I would always hear you telling Stacey and Stevie that true bravery meant following your heart or the hard path which was the right one. I'm proud that you did that too._

What could he say next? _I wish I could be there to cheer you on. _No, he scored that one out. _You'll hear me hollering all the way from Kentucky. _That might make her laugh but still, it wasn't right. And it hit him. _I will see at least one Troubletones number before the year is out, I promise. _It was a daring promise but one that he intended to keep. Lima wasn't too far away.

_Dear my somebody, I'll keep writing you nightly and keep holding on tightly to the words that you said. So proud of you became now, you're in a world without chains now, you let your heart lead your brain now, how you always want it to be._

_But when I'm sitting here alone I can't help but think, looking back on the people that we used to be, why does being free mean so far away from me?_

_OK, so don't hold me to that. We still live in a hotel. _He looked around their surroundings. His dad was at his new job and his mom was out looking for something during the weekend, while he was in the room with his siblings, just like old times back at the motel in Lima. _Moving into the new house next week though. Just took a while to get everything set up. _He chewed the end of his pen nervously.

"Sammy, are you OK?" Stacey questioned from her position on the couch, bringing him to attention. Four pairs of green eyes, Stevie also sat with Stacey, looked at him and he smiled at them.

"Sure, are you guys? Want a snack?"

Both shook their heads and returned to the T.V show they were watching as Sam focused his energy back on the letter in front of him. _Hey, maybe you already know this stuff. Don't tell me you guys have forgotten me already? _He crossed that last bit out, even the thought of being an unspoken topic within glee club hurt. _This letter is a mess, the scribbles, not to mention the handwriting. How did you put up with me? _Again, the last line was crossed out. It was September and too many things still were too fresh in his mind. He had ran things through a million times in his mind. What would this exact moment be like if he had never left Lima? Would they still be in that motel? Would he be using his Saturday afternoon to compose the world's worst apology in handwritten form? Or would he be sitting with Mercedes, maybe watching his siblings, holding her hand, laughing about something trivial but still hilarious.

What would the first week of glee have been like? The week's assignment aside he would have definitely sang a song for her. There had been a few he had been working on if he was being honest.

_I kept waiting around, I kept chasing the mail, always lost never found, I kept writing and dreaming until my words ran out, and I stared at this blank page until finally I wrote;_

None of this dancing around it anymore. She deserved more than that. _I don't know what I'm trying to say here, Mercedes. Maybe it's I'll see you soon, maybe it's goodbye. If it's goodbye, it's not my choice. _He sighed, but resisted the urge to cross his most truthful confession out. The time for nothing but the truth was here. He knew he had to honour her by giving that much. _And if it's goodbye, it's not a real goodbye, my heart doesn't want to - never will - say goodbye to you. _

Taking a shaky breath, he placed the pen on the table, wiping at his eyes, until he was sure they were clear of unshed tears. He picked the pen back up and continued. _I still remember your I love you. I'll always remember your I love you. As much as I'll remember saying it to you for the first time. You deserve to know it's the only time I meant it when I said it this year, at least to someone who wasn't my family. God, I should have told you this before, Mercy. _And then the hardest words of all. _But it's time to let go now. _

He smiled in spite of himself as a stray tear leaked onto the page.

"Are you crying?"

Sam shook his head at Stevie. "No, just dust. Eyes on the television," he warned his brother sternly, wiping at his eyes again, chuckling slightly to himself at almost getting caught. The little man would never let him live it down if he cried in front of them again.

_Just keep dreaming. And kick some New Direction, haha! Promise?_

_Tomorrow might still leave._

He would definitely try to hope for the time to see her again.

_You're the one thing I'm sure I'll never forget._

But if he didn't he'd always recall how she looked so damn beautiful on prom night, her warmth, her smile, her compassion, her light, all guiding him out of a terrible time.

_You're the air that I breathe and the songs that I sing._

Everything in the end would eventually come back to her, to him, to them.

_You taught me to be the person that I'm meant to be._

On that night under the corny crepe decorations he may have made her feel like Cinderella, but he could never be anyone else's Prince Charming.

_The road to my home leads straight to your door._

Their last day by the lake would be something he'd never forget. They didn't have their last dance then. He had to remind her of that.

He ended the letter, with a deep sigh and shaky hand, his head foggy.

_Yours Truly, Sam x_

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**I know I have These Small Hours prompts to get to and I promise I am going to but I just heard this song this morning and I fell in deep love with it. And as with everything, I related it to Samcedes. I don't know exactly how I feel about this one but I'm hoping if you've made it this far and you're reading this, you'll tell me?**

**My next two oneshots are fluffy and so are my next These Small Hours prompt so I promise, angst-free zone for the next wee while :)**

**Please review if you read, I appreciate them so much!**

**WickedSong x**


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